7 year itch not married11/21/2023 ![]() ![]() The idea of a seven-year itch puts a specific time on the generally observed phenomenon that data sets of married people show a rising, then a falling, risk of divorce over time. The phrase "seven-year itch" was used in this sense by Henry David Thoreau in Walden in 1854 and Carl Sandburg in 1936 in The People, Yes. The original meaning, prior to Axelrod's play, referred to scabies or skin disease. The phrase has since expanded to indicate cycles of dissatisfaction not only in interpersonal relationships, but in any situation such as working a full-time job or buying a house, where a decrease in happiness and satisfaction is often seen over long periods of time. In his 1913 novel, The Eighth Year, Philip Gibbs attributes the concept to the British judge Sir Francis Jeune. ![]() The phrase was used in the title of the play The Seven Year Itch by George Axelrod, and gained popularity following the 1955 film adaptation starring Marilyn Monroe and Tom Ewell. ![]() The seven-year itch is a popular belief, sometimes quoted as having psychological backing, that happiness in a marriage or long-term romantic relationship declines after around seven years. Hubba Hubba won’t seem so extraordinary once the years pile on and you are sharing a bathroom and a mortgage – and alimony.For other uses, see The seven-year itch (disambiguation). Resist if you’ve got ordinary goodness and predictability back home. Hubba Hubba at the office may throw you into an infatuated stage. I recognize the extraordinary in our ordinary lives. Today I cherish that I am still married to the man who has given me lots of loving and the gift of being my history-holder. We never know what time on Wednesday we’re going to do it.” The wife giggled and said, “Oh, yes, it is. I commented that this did not sound very spontaneous. One couple I interviewed, both 49 and busy attorneys, told me that they schedule sex for every Wednesday. And if you’re not touching, you’re in trouble. They know that if you’re not talking, you’re probably not touching. One important tip is that they make time for conversation and intimacy. I’ve learned a lot of lessons like these from couples who push through the grind of the ordinary and go the distance. The new and different that is pulling you away will also, inevitably, get old - even boring. When the trust is irrevocably broken because of abuse, infidelity and/or constant lies, marriages do need to end.īut when readers tell me they are leaving a stable relationship that is “boring” because of an “exciting” new suitor, I tell them what I know from hundreds of interviews for my relationship books:ĭon’t assume the grass is greener on the other side. The extraordinary is fleeting the ordinary is the steady rudder of our lives. These are the people and the rituals that remain soothingly constant - despite the volatile news cycle. There is real power in the predictable, in a routine, in an enduring connection to our families and spouses. ![]() I’ll take predictability over roller-coaster love. This is when trouble can hit: Attachment seems way less sexy than heavy-breathing infatuation. After two years there is a shift in body chemicals, and infatuation turns into the attachment stage. Here’s how science can help adjust your expectations: Sex and romance that feels like a roaring bonfire is biologically unsustainable in humans. Resisting the inevitable itches that arise comes down to two essential things: embracing the ordinary and adjusting expectations as they unfold with age. Throughout a 30-year marriage, I have teetered on that fine line and have, thankfully, stayed on the side of the fence. Inching toward 50 and beyond, they imagine a new relationship will give them that last shot at youthful romance, particularly when The One Who Got Away arrives at the college reunion, single and hot. Those seven years seem like a honeymoon when it comes to making it to 20 years and more.Īfter two decades of sharing a bathroom, having in-laws, raising teenagers and paying bills, the honeymoon is long over and many couples may start thinking of bolting. The myth about long-term intimate partnerships is that the itch to stray or leave comes at the seven-year mark. ![]()
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